quinnfabrayhbic:

puckasaurusrex:

quinnfabrayhbic:

“I was kinda busy being doubled over in pain to make any rational decisions at the time.  I just didn’t think you’d want to be there and witness that.  It was horrible, Puck.  I wanted to spare you that.  I was the one going through it and if you had been there it would’ve been worse.”  She told him knowing it didn’t make sense and if she had a chance to take it back she would, maybe it would’ve been easier if he was there, but in her mind it told her it would be worse seeing how much pain he was in while she was going through her own pain.  Seeing him like this now was unbearable she wouldn’t have been able to handle his pain on top of hers then.  ”I don’t know why you don’t blame me, I blame me.  I’m the one that hated the timing of all this and I’m the one God was punishing when he took our baby away.  He knew I wasn’t grateful for his gift and he took it back, but I wanted this baby I really did you have to believe me.”  She pleaded with him.  She looked up nodding swallowing the lump in her throat thinking about her son, the little mess of blood and tissue that they wouldn’t let her see.  ”Our precious little baby boy, he’s gone and I miss him so much.  I don’t think I’m ever going to stop hurting.”  She moved closer to him wrapping her arms around his neck leaning into his back crying wanting to share this with him at last, their grieving over their baby.  ”I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, i know I should’ve.” 

“It’s not a matter of wanting to be there, Quinn. I should have been there. That’s the bottom line,” It wasn’t something anyone wanted to have to deal with; it was a horrible experience, but he should have been there anyway. It was there child. They both lost him. And he should have known it had happened long before now. “Don’t start the God bullshit,” He growled, shaking his head. The last thing he wanted to start dwelling on was whose fault this was and bringing that side of things into the mix. “It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t help it and you couldn’t stop it. I don’t blame you. But that doesn’t make keeping this from me okay,” They’d had a perfect little boy, and he was gone. He’d been gone for two weeks now and he’d not even gotten to say goodbye properly. How could he be okay with that? How could he excuse that when it hurt so fucking bad? He didn’t lift his head from his knees as he felt her arms slide around him, wiping his tears on the fabric of his jeans. “Yeah…you should have.”

She nodded, she knew he was right, he was right about everything, she had handled it wrong, but it was the only way she could think of to handle it.  ”I know it was wrong, but I didn’t know what else to do.  I’m so mixed up and hurt and I just didn’t want that for you.  It was the wrong decision and one I shouldn’t have made.”  She looked down letting him get out all his anger and frustration out on her, she deserved it.  It was a relief that he didn’t blame her for losing their baby, but it didn’t stop her from blaming herself.  She knew it was her fault, whether he acknowledged it or not.  She clung tighter to him kissing the back of his neck trying to give him what little comfort she could.  ”I can’t go back, I’m sorry, just…can we forget blame and just hold each other for awhile.  You can be mad at me tomorrow. Tonight we need to mourn our baby boy…our son who was cruely ripped from us way too soon.  The son we’ll never get to know.”  She broke down in sobs.  

Puck was at a loss of what to say anymore. What he’d needed was to get his anger out, and he’d done that. Now he just felt numb. Empty more than anything with a distinctive pain within his chest. No matter, he could never blame her for what had happened; it was something that neither of them had any control over, but that didn’t make it any easier to cope with. Their baby was gone, and that was the bottom line. Finally pulling away, he turned and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his embrace and burying his face against her hair. “I’m so sorry, Quinn,” He whispered, clutching her tight against him. “So sorry…”