She listened to him and she knew she’d been treating him that way, but she didn’t know what else to do, try harder to be happy when she had lost something so precious to her. She didn’t deserve to be happy. ”I do, Puck, you know I love you. I love you so much and I want us to be normal again, I do. I just don’t know how to do that right now.” She bit her lip. There was nothing normal about what she was feeling, but she didn’t know how to tell him what she needed to tell him. ”You want to kiss and cuddle, we can do that, I can do that.” She nodded reaching out for his hand. ”Josh is just helping me with something, or he’s trying to, but what he’s offering will just make things worse.” She sighed. ”I don’t want to go back to college, i’d much rather be here.” It was true, she used to love school, but now whenever she entered her dorm she remembered the pain and the blood and no matter how many times she washed her sheets she still thought she saw blood. She eventually had to buy new sheets, but even that didn’t help.
“Why is it so difficult, Quinn? I thought we were getting back to normal, back on the right track again. And it’s worse than ever. We don’t even fight! I mean, did I do something? Did something happen? Why is us being us so difficult?” Puck sighed, feeling defeated; they’d been scraping to keep this relationship for so long now, he just didn’t know if he had anymore fight in him. Especially when everything kept going downhill no matter what they did. “No, don’t…” He shook his head, pulling his hand away from her and stepping back, frowning. “I shouldn’t have to compromise and fight with you just to get the chance to hold my girlfriend,” He ran his fingers back over the top of his head, looking back over her. “Well what the fuck is he offering, Quinn? Huh? What’s going on? What is the big issue that means he can’t leave you alone for longer than five minutes?”
“No, you didn’t do anything, you’re perfect and amazing and I want to be close to you, I really do.” She looked up at him her eyes pleading with him to understand and believe her. She didn’t want to lose him, but she had a feeling no matter what she was going to. Whether she pushed him too far away or told him the truth. She didn’t know which was worse at this point. She looked down hurt when he pulled his hand away from hers. She wanted to give him what he wanted, but she knew her heart wasn’t in it, not when she didn’t feel worthy of his affection. She took a deep breath when he asked about Josh and looked away from him. ”He…He wants me to tell you something that happened a couple weeks ago, and I can’t because you’ll hate me. He keeps telling me you need to know, but it’s only going to make things worse and I don’t even know how to tell you because I know it’s going to hurt you and I don’t want to see you hurt because it’s all my fault and I need to live with it.” She rambled on knowing she wasn’t making sense.
“Then why can’t you be close to me, Quinn? Why is it so hard?” He practically pleaded with her, wishing that she could just tell him why it was suddenly so hard to just be with him like they always had been. When Quinn went off on a tangent about how Josh wanted her to tell him something that happened a couple of weeks ago and how it would make things worse and his stomach sunk. The worst had happened hadn’t it? He’d been right all along in assuming that there was something going on between those two or was going to happen. “Fuckin hell…” He growled, sitting down on the arm of the chair, pressing his face into his hands. “You slept with him didn’t you? You and Josh. I fuckin knew something had happened…”
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originally posted by puckasaurusrex
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